I was angry. I was angry at all those that came and left. I was angry at all the empty promises. I was angry for always being abandoned. If no one stayed, there was undoubtedly something wrong with me, right? I was disgusted at myself for not being good enough, worth enough, pretty enough; for simply not being enough..
Suddenly, I stood there face to face with myself, in a nightmare. All the anger and pain enveloped me seeping out of every pore of my body like a sickness. I stood outside of my body looking into this empty room, staring at the honest picture of all I held inside. You walked in and saw me in pieces, you saw through my anger and saw the little girl inside that cried out for more. I was completely broken.
I was ready for my story to come to an end. I could feel all the negative thoughts, and voices floating in the room. I just wanted to release my anger by punishing myself. I was so overwhelmed and drained that my vision became clouded with the ways I could make everyone around me long to have had more time with me, to make them regret all the wasted memories.
I hated to see myself in that state, but when your love surrounded me all the anger turned to sadness and you just held me. I no longer had the strength to be angry. My face was buried in your robe and I sobbed. All of my cares melted away and the room was silent. The stillness of your love was comforting.
How could I have ran away from this for so long. You ARE love, unconditional, undeserved, everlasting love. You wiped my tears away, you looked at me and said "you are worthy, you have always been worthy, I am with you". And finally I could finally rest. It is a love that I inherited by grace. A love that I could never find or encounter on earth. It is where I belong.